Charlottesville Part II - It's Up to Us

I must be slow to the draw, because I’m still having a problem with people standing up for the protesters in Charlottesville on Saturday.  If I understand correctly, some still think this is all about statues.  Really?

Let me tell you what this is about.  This is about a large group of white (mostly) men who believe that they should rule the world.  They want to ethnically cleanse the human race by getting rid of anyone different than themselves: Jews, Blacks, Hispanics, Gays, etc.  They believe that slavery was okay, that Hitler was right, and that no government should tell them what to do.  They were not in Charlottesville to protest the removal of a confederate statue, although that’s how they obtained a permit to assemble.  They were there, in their own words, to take back Charlottesville.  To take it back from the Jews and the Blacks.  This was NEVER about statues.

I know people are upset about the removal (or non-removal) of confederate statues.  Personally, I don’t care.  Statues are THINGS.  I’m more interested in PEOPLE.  I care more that there are still groups in the world who want ethnic cleansing.  I care that there are still NAZIS!! Think about it, people.  We were at war for over four years trying to defeat the Nazis and now we should stand back and watch them rise again?? Hell, no!!!

Please think about this. Think about what is more important to you. Is it your house or your family? Your car or your grandchildren?  Saving a bronze statue or saving a human from discrimination, injury, or even death?  THAT is what Charlottesville was about.  Not statues or protests or history or first amendment rights or even politics.  People.  Human beings.  God’s children.

Which do you choose?

Charlottesville

I haven’t published a blog entry in quite a while.  It gets hard to keep coming up with topics that I think you’ll find interesting that aren’t controversial.  I’m one who avoids conflict like the plague.  Which is good in some situations, but also limits my ability to make changes in life.

But sometimes, something happens that crushes my heart, inflames my anger, and assaults my faith in the human race.  Today, that “thing” can be summed up in one word – “Charlottesville.”

Some will ask why I’m writing about this, but not about other incidents of race or discrimination.  And honestly, I’m not sure.  Every incident angers and saddens me, but this one more so.  Maybe because it is in a town I’ve visited, or because it seemed especially horrific; or maybe it’s because of the lack of proper response by our president.  In any case, I feel compelled to share with you.
I grew up in the South.  I was born in the middle of the Equal Rights Movement that included protests, marches, the Clinton 12, and Martin Luther King, Jr.  We had very few children of color in our school, so my life was considerably “white.”

My parents, both born and raised in Tennessee, probably saw discrimination all around them growing up.  I’m sure they heard the “N” word many times.  However, when raising my two sisters and me, they made sure we knew this word was NEVER allowed in our home.  We didn’t discriminate.  People were people, no matter their skin color.  Again, living in an area of few minorities, I didn’t have to use this life lesson until later in life.

Now, I’m not a flaming lefty; I don’t usually march in protests or even agree with every cause.  A registered Democrat, I’ve probably voted for as many Republicans as members of my own party.  I tend to vote for the person whom I feel has the public’s best interest at heart.  But one area where I disagree with the majority of conservatives is that of human rights.

We all know the phrase, “All men are created equal…”.  I disagree with this statement, but not in the way you think.  There are Caucasians, African-Americans, Hispanics, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Asians, Gays, Straights, and many other groups of people who are created equal.  And then there are those men and women in Charlottesville.   The ones who carried weapons, shields, and signs; those who wore hoods or what is apparently their new uniform, khakis and polos.  Those who shouted hate and bile and disgusting, useless words at innocent people.  Those who beat up African-American men just because of their skin.  That poor excuse of a human who killed a woman just because she was standing up for what she believed, JUST LIKE HE WAS!  These people…these evil creatures…these men are NOT created equal.

Why do we hate each other so much?  Have we become so self-centered that we think of ourselves better than everyone?  Have we lost our faith to the point that we don’t believe in anything anymore?  Have we lost the ability to love and to just be kind?  How does the color of someone’s skin, or their sexuality, or their gender, or their religion…how do these things make us different?  Don’t we all have the same blood and bones and muscles and tissues?  Don’t we all breathe and eat and sleep?

I hate to tell you protesters in Charlottesville, but the color of your skin is pure luck.  God decided to put you in a white family.  You could just have easily had a different skin color.  Then how would you feel?  Would you still think the white race is the only race?  Take a moment and just think about what your life would be like if you had been born with brown skin…

All people have a right to their beliefs.  They have a right to let those beliefs be known.  But they have NO right to hate.  No right to condemn, to curse, to injure, to kill, to spit on, to yell at, or engage in any other manner of hate toward another human being.

What happened this weekend in Charlottesville was disgusting.  I am deeply angered by the events.  I’m angered that it was allowed to escalate to the point of murder.  I’m angered that our Administration refuses to take a bigger stand against these acts.  I’m angered that we are still fighting these fights in 2017.  And I’m ashamed.  Ashamed of my fellow man.  Ashamed that we sit back while these horrible people continue to spread their hate.  And ashamed of myself; that I’ve watched from a distance and silently protested these horrendous acts, but never helped to stop it.

No more.  Today, I begin to fight.  I begin to fight for my daughter’s future.  For everyone’s future.  Because if we don’t stand up, who will?

Singin' the Blues

I haven’t written in a few weeks.  No particular reason why.  I just haven’t been in the mood.  Call it lack of interest.  Call it ennui.  Or call it what it probably is – depression.

I’m not talking about mind-numbing, earth-shattering, lie-in-bed-all-day depression.  More like I-need-the-beach, when-did-I-get-fat, I'm-tired-of-laundry depression. The kind that makes you tired and lazy, but doesn't last long.

Here’s what some people don’t realize: depression has many forms.  It doesn’t always hit you hard, like after a tragedy.  Sometimes it sneaks in, letting you think everything is fine, when really it’s just okay.  And it is okay; it’s just not great.

There’s no one reason for my little depression.  Nothing bad has happened.  No one is sick; no marriage is suffering; nobody is angry or sad.  Yes, I said no one is sad.  The second myth of depression is that you must be unbearably sad.  Nope.  Not even a little.  Bored, perhaps. Feeling a little lost in life, maybe.  Needing a purpose, most likely.  Not sad, just “eh”.

I’ve never been embarrassed to admit I have depression.  I think, if we were all honest, the majority of us have some measure of it.  Some is controllable by meditation, or prayer, or exercise.  Other requires medication.  I started taking medication when I began having panic attacks.  I soon realized they also helped my moods and my ability to handle life.  I’m not ashamed of it.  I may take it the rest of my life.  And here is where the third myth of depression comes in.

Depression is not a condition; it is a disease. Believe what you want, but I know this to be true.  I have a beautiful life.  A loving family. So depression is not something I choose.  Just like diabetes, high blood pressure, or any number of chronic illnesses, depression is physical.  It affects not just your brain, but your joints, your stamina, your digestive system – your whole body.  And just as you take medication to control those other diseases, medication helps with depression. If you are prescribed it, TAKE IT!  It’s not a short-term solution – it’s a life-time commitment to health.

I’m not trying to make light of depression.  There are people who are truly, deeply depressed and need more serious measures.  These are the people for whom medication isn’t enough.  If you know of anyone (or if it’s you)  who even hints at depression so serious that they think about suicide, GET HELP IMMEDIATELY! Don’t assume they are being dramatic or just joking. Take these threats seriously.

I guess the message I want to send is this: depression can hit anyone at any time.  It can be anything from a bad case of the blues to wanting to die.  It is not a condition, it is a disease.  The people who take medication for it are not crazy.  It should NOT be embarrassing to admit you suffer from depression.  It is treatable, if not curable.

If you, like me, suffer from some level of depression, speak up!  We need to sound the bell!  Spread the word!  Show people that normal, everyday, sane people can suffer from depression.   And if someone you love might be suffering, offer them help.  You won’t be sorry.

Common Core, or Why Parents Drink

Common Core is not our friend. In fact, if I may blunt, it sucks.
S. U. C. K. S.

Hear me out on this one.  Cause I’m living this nightmare.  I have first-hand experience, and with it, the battle scars, the gray hair, and the high blood pressure to go along with it.

Now, I have quite a few friends who are teachers, including my own sister. Some of them may find Common Core helpful; truthfully, I didn’t ask them. So this rant is purely from a parent point of view.  In fact, let’s narrow it down to just THIS parent’s point of view.  So here goes.

My child learns differently from your kid, and your kid learns differently from someone else’s.  Our kids aren’t made cookie-cutter, so why should we teach them that way?  Education isn’t factory work, churning out identical graduates.  Learning should be fluid and flexible, allowing for different abilities and different personalities.

Look, I get the concept of Common Core: each child is offered the same opportunity; every child learns the same information at the same time; lessons are designed to help students prepare for college and beyond.  Sounds great. But does it work? Not in my house.

Before Common Core, my child was an A/B student.  She was able to complete her assignments with minimal effort.  Yes, I know these were the “easy” first few years of education – before the harder work and the hormones kicked in.  But a kid doesn’t have a complete reversal of ability in two years time.  We are struggling now in all subjects. I try to help with math, but the methods now are so bizarre, even I can’t follow them. English is minimally better, and Science and Social Studies are just luck of the draw.

Our kid doesn’t learn well by rote; the multiplication tables were torture.  Lectures and tests about dates and names are certain failures. But give her something that allows for imagination and she excels!  Give her some freedom and she soars!  Let her be her own quirky self and she can rule the world!!

So here we are, at the end of 6th grade, trying to decide what to do next. We’ve tried private school and public school. We’ve tried helping her pass and letting her fail.  What’s left? Home school?  Will this be any better?  When she was a toddler and we realized she had advanced thinking skills, we never thought we’d be trying to just pass.

So, Common Core, we hate you. I’m sure you help some students, but you’re failing mine.

P.S. To lighten the mood, please read these hilarious tweets! Every. One. Is. Life.

http://www.scarymommy.com/funny-parenting-tweets-about-homework-and-common-core/?utm_source=FB

"Joey"

Today, I am mourning the death of someone that I’ve never met; someone that I’d never heard of until a few months ago; someone with whom I have nothing in common, except the love of family, Tennessee, and God.  Even in those areas, she was so far ahead of me, I would never reach her level.

Joey Feek passed away yesterday at the young age of 40, from cervical cancer.  If you haven’t seen her name in the news lately, she was a country music singer, a devout Christian, and the lead singer of the duo Joey + Rory. Together, they had a 2-year-old daughter, named Indiana.  Indiana was born with Downs Syndrome, but the family never made a big deal of it.  She was just their child. Period.

Joey fought her cancer for almost two years. In October, she learned that it was too aggressive and decided to stop treatments.  It was at that time that her story started being known outside the country music genre.

Rory Feek, her husband, writes a blog titled, “This Life I Live.”  In it, he has chronicled their journey through Joey’s illness, and now her passing.  It is his writing that has made me, and many others, feel that I was a part of their family.  That I was traveling down that sorrowful road with them.  His words made me smile and cry, feel joy and sorrow, ask “Why?” and say “I understand.”  He is a masterful writer, but the reason his words are so beautiful is simple – he loved her.

Joey and Rory were unique. They lived in a manner that evoked the feeling of the 1940s.  A simple life with home-grown vegetables; a farmhouse full of comfortable chairs and fresh flowers; hand made quilts and fresh baked pies.  It seemed an idyllic life, interrupted by sadness and pain.

You could see the love between Joey and Rory. The way she smiled at him, and the way his eyes lit up looking at her.  Perhaps the most telling photo I saw of their love was the last one – Rory sitting by Joey’s bed during her last days. Just sitting.  She was in her final sleep and would never know he was there, but he was.  Watching his beautiful bride slip away from him.

Their story is indeed heartbreaking, but do you know what he wrote upon her passing? “My wife’s greatest dream came true today.”  Through all his unquestionable sadness and grief, he knew that her passing was actually a great joy!  She is in Heaven! She is with Jesus!  He was so happy that she was where she belonged, that he could rejoice for her in the midst of his own pain.

That, my friends, is love.

These are the things that I learned from Joey and Rory:

• Never take life for granted. Every day, every hour, every second is precious and should be cherished.
• Every person deserves to be loved deeply and completely.
• Faith can carry you through anything.  ANYTHING.
• Death is not final. It is not the end, only the beginning.  Our lives on Earth are just a warm-up for the real thing.
• A walk outside, a kiss from a child, holding hands with a loved one, the sun on your face – all of these things are infinitely better than time watching TV or being on-line.
• I am blessed beyond measure.

So here I sit, thinking of people I don’t know; praying for a family I’ll never meet; rejoicing in the fact that this “stranger” is in Heaven.  I think Joey would approve.

Chasing Ghosts

One of the questions new visitors often ask about our old house is this: "Do you have ghosts?" Our answer is always, "We're not sure." How do you answer that? No, we've never seen a "ghost." But do we have things that haunt us? Of course we do!

When I think of "ghosts" or "hauntings", I don't think of them in the usual sense. To me, ghosts can occur in many forms: a mistake from the past; a regret; a missed loved one; etc. My ghost that haunts me is easy to identify - it's my mom.

Of course, I don't mean that my mom appears to me in spirit form. If she did, I'd be sitting in an asylum right now. But she is always with me, whether I want her or not! And, good or bad, she has shaped my life and made me who I am today.

Those who know my mom know what a force of nature she was. She never backed away from an opinion and made sure we knew who was in charge. She wasn't mean, but she could certainly hurt you when you let her guard down. My sisters and I all had different relationships with Mom, but to me, she was usually kind and loving. She was my mom.

When Mom died, I went through a breakdown. It wasn't that noticeable to the world around me, but it nearly destroyed me. My marriage suffered to the point we weren't sure we could make it through the storm. I drank too much, slept too much, neglected my family and my friends. I was a wreck.

Thank God I have a husband who loves me enough that he stuck around. And, as time went on, I healed. I realized that I could survive and even thrive without my mom . But there are still times when I need her, and that's when I know she's still around.

Do you ever get a sudden cold chill for no reason? Me, too. And when it happens, I know that Mom is watching over me. When my child is in trouble, and I give her "that face", I know that's Mom. I see her in the mirror and when I look at my hands. I know she's there when I pick out clothing or decorate my house. I don't have her flair for gardening, though, so I wish she could haunt me a little more there!

Yes, I miss her. I feel cheated that she's not around to help me raise my child and that Tessa only had five short years with her. I miss her when I have a simple question about a recipe, or a flower, or any number of things she excelled at. And I just miss her. Her love, her class, her beauty, and even her insults! But she's still here. Haunting me every day. And I really don't mind.

P.S. If you're wondering why I was thinking of Mom so much lately, it's because of this: Triple Lanolin Hand Lotion. Mom wore it every day. I recently bought some, and it's like she's never left.

The Tennessee Waltz

Here's my simple truth: I love Tennessee. I love everything about it. The weather, the natural beauty, the music, the sports, the traditions, the family values... Everything.

So many people think of Tennessee as an ignorant, unhealthy, poor state. Yes, there is some of that, but that's also true of the rest of the country. Our accent is mocked, our slow-moving ways are ridiculed, and the stereotypes are abundant. I'm here to fix that.

The following people are natives of the State of Tennessee. There are many others in our fellow Southern states, but I'm sticking to home on this one. Keep in mind, some of these "natives" might not have been born here, but we still consider them ours.

1. Presidents Andrew Jackson, Andrew Johnson, and James K. Polk, and Vice-Presidents Andrew Johnson and Al Gore, Jr. Not to shabby for country folk.
2. Singers Gregg Allman, Elvis Presley, Miley Cyrus, Usher, Kenny Chesney, Tina Turner, Lou Rawls, Aretha Franklin, and an up-and-coming singer by the name of Justin Timberlake (aka my next husband).
3. Actors Kathy Bates, Dixie Carter, Christina Hendricks, Annie Potts, George Hamilton, Shannon Doherty, Cybill Shepherd, Megan Fox, Morgan Freeman, Patrician Neal, and Reece Witherspoon.
4. Heroes/Activists/Politicians Alvin York, David Crockett, Nikki Giovanni, David Farragut, Howard Baker, Jr., and Jack Hannah.
5. Sports Figures Reggie White, Wilma Rudolph, Pat Summitt, Ed (Too Tall) Jones, Johnny Majors, Bill Belichick, Jason Witten, and Lynn Swann. You might have also heard of this little treasure - Peyton Manning. (GO BRONCOS!!!)
6. Legend Dolly Parton. Dolly is a state treasure, especially here in East Tennessee, where she was born. I can't even begin to tell you what Dolly has meant to our state. Beyond Dollywood and bringing tourist attention to our region, Dolly also started the Imagination Library. This program provides FREE books, one a month, to EVERY CHILD UNDER THE AGE OF 5. Everyone. Free. Every month. What a legacy she will leave!

Besides the famous people, we have other redeeming qualities:

1. Oak Ridge National Laboratory - one of the major sites vital in the making of the A-bomb. Currently, the lab excels at medical research, 3-D printing, nuclear science, and currently has the 2nd-fastest computer in the world, performing 20 thousand trillion calculations per second. And no, that's not a typo.
2. Memphis - Home of the Blues; Nashville - Music City, USA; and Bristol - Home of Country Music. Any music you hear today - and I mean ANY music - was influenced by one or all of these cities.
3. Great Smoky Mountains - the most visited National Park in the country. If you've never seen the beauty of the mountains of Tennessee, you truly have missed out. The West might have bigger mountains, but ours are certainly prettier! Lush land, thousands of miles of mountain roads and millions of miles of hiking trails, not to mention lakes and rivers and wildlife. This is truly God's country.
4. St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital - founded by Danny Thomas in 1962, St. Jude's treats children with cancer. Beyond that, they never charge a family who can't pay. A family's worse nightmare is treated with the best physicians and medicine in the world and all for free.
5. Knoxville alone is home to the corporate headquarters of Regal Cinemas, Tennessee Valley Authority, Bush Brothers, Pilot Flying J, and Scripps Networks, including HGTV. Also located in Tennessee is FedEx, O'Charleys, J.C. Bradford & Co., and Dollar General just to name a few.

Ok, ok, that's enough bragging on my part. You get the point. Tennessee is full of exciting, intelligent, beautiful, caring people. We change the world. We welcome it into our homes. We help to heal it and look for solutions to cure it.

We are old, young, white-collar, blue-collar, Bible-thumping, moonshine-drinking, rebel flag-flying, Civil Rights-marching, country-crooning, hip-hop dancing, football-crazy, hard-studying, people. We are history and we are the future. We are big cities and small towns. Culture and mud racing. The Great Smoky Mountains and the Mississippi River. We are America.

Come to Tennessee...y'all.
P.S. To see photos from this beautiful state, visit my website: www.menopausemomma.com.