Whatever...

Every day, I say to myself, “You need to write a new post for your blog.”  And every day, myself says, “Screw you.  I don’t feel like it.”  And since myself is much wiser and knows more than I, I usually listen to her.  It’s not that I don’t want to write; it’s just that I’ve been so busy lazy lately.

Yesterday was the big boy’s vet trip.  In the interest of full disclosure, he does not weigh 200 pounds, as I assumed.  He weighs 145.  Which is still big enough.  And waaaaaay to close to my own weight.  I weigh the same as an English Mastiff.  Just sayin’.

I usually take him in our truck, but he doesn’t like to get in, and it’s now impossible for me to put him up in it by myself, so I decided to take him in the car.  A giant, dirty dog in the back seat of a Lexus.  There’s just one word to describe it: sardine.  He was great at the vet, though.  Sweet Mac will let you do anything to him.  Needles? Fine.  Thermometer? No problem.  Checking the…ummm…boy parts?  Go for it.  He is quite possibly the perfect dog.  And for the record, at the top of Macy’s chart (the female Mastiff) are the words “Aggressive Dog.”  Yeah…

The day before that, I worked in the yard.  And when I say worked, I mean picked up all the crap and trash strewn around.  We make Fred Sanford look like Martha Stewart. There was the deflated pool full of scummy water; the gazebo COVERED with chicken poop; bicycles thrown down wherever the ride ended; tools left where used…I could go on and on and on.  I worked until I got tired of looking at it.  After that, I ate my weight in cinnamon sugar pita chips.

That night, we went on a bug hunt.  At the end of the school day, Tessa’s teacher had said they could bring in any kind of insect, dead or alive, the next morning.  I don’t know about you, but I need about a week’s notice for this kind of thing.  First of all, our chickens eat most of the bugs around our house.  Good thing, I know, but bad for bug hunting.  We have hundreds of spider webs, but that idea got a huge “NO!”  We finally saw a teeny, tiny, grasshopper jump in front of us.  With Tessa’s keen eyesight and my remarkable speed (bwahahahahaha), we caught it.  It is now sitting in a jar on my kitchen counter, apparently to be the newest member of the Williams farm.  Whatever.

The biggest chore lately, though, is my work as official child dresser.  You know how celebrities have people who dress them?  So does my daughter.  Here’s the trouble: NOTHING FITS.  I waited until two weeks before the start of school to buy uniforms.  She has been growing so fast lately, I didn’t want to take the chance she would outgrow them before school started.  Guess what?  That’s right…SHE DID ANYWAY!!!  TWO WEEKS!!  Not only can she not wear any of the pants/skirts/shorts we bought, her foot grew a size and a half overnight.  You heard me.  We went from a 3 to a 4-1/2 overnight.  So even the clothes that I bought for later in the school year when she grew into them are now too small.  Forget the house – this child is our money pit.

So I’ve been busy.  And lazy.  And busy being lazy.  But I’m working my way back to normal.  We actually had a drama-free morning today, so maybe things will continue to improve.  But I’ll live through whatever happens.  Ain’t no big thang.

P.S.  I’ve missed you guys, too. ;-)