Singin' the Blues

I haven’t written in a few weeks.  No particular reason why.  I just haven’t been in the mood.  Call it lack of interest.  Call it ennui.  Or call it what it probably is – depression.

I’m not talking about mind-numbing, earth-shattering, lie-in-bed-all-day depression.  More like I-need-the-beach, when-did-I-get-fat, I'm-tired-of-laundry depression. The kind that makes you tired and lazy, but doesn't last long.

Here’s what some people don’t realize: depression has many forms.  It doesn’t always hit you hard, like after a tragedy.  Sometimes it sneaks in, letting you think everything is fine, when really it’s just okay.  And it is okay; it’s just not great.

There’s no one reason for my little depression.  Nothing bad has happened.  No one is sick; no marriage is suffering; nobody is angry or sad.  Yes, I said no one is sad.  The second myth of depression is that you must be unbearably sad.  Nope.  Not even a little.  Bored, perhaps. Feeling a little lost in life, maybe.  Needing a purpose, most likely.  Not sad, just “eh”.

I’ve never been embarrassed to admit I have depression.  I think, if we were all honest, the majority of us have some measure of it.  Some is controllable by meditation, or prayer, or exercise.  Other requires medication.  I started taking medication when I began having panic attacks.  I soon realized they also helped my moods and my ability to handle life.  I’m not ashamed of it.  I may take it the rest of my life.  And here is where the third myth of depression comes in.

Depression is not a condition; it is a disease. Believe what you want, but I know this to be true.  I have a beautiful life.  A loving family. So depression is not something I choose.  Just like diabetes, high blood pressure, or any number of chronic illnesses, depression is physical.  It affects not just your brain, but your joints, your stamina, your digestive system – your whole body.  And just as you take medication to control those other diseases, medication helps with depression. If you are prescribed it, TAKE IT!  It’s not a short-term solution – it’s a life-time commitment to health.

I’m not trying to make light of depression.  There are people who are truly, deeply depressed and need more serious measures.  These are the people for whom medication isn’t enough.  If you know of anyone (or if it’s you)  who even hints at depression so serious that they think about suicide, GET HELP IMMEDIATELY! Don’t assume they are being dramatic or just joking. Take these threats seriously.

I guess the message I want to send is this: depression can hit anyone at any time.  It can be anything from a bad case of the blues to wanting to die.  It is not a condition, it is a disease.  The people who take medication for it are not crazy.  It should NOT be embarrassing to admit you suffer from depression.  It is treatable, if not curable.

If you, like me, suffer from some level of depression, speak up!  We need to sound the bell!  Spread the word!  Show people that normal, everyday, sane people can suffer from depression.   And if someone you love might be suffering, offer them help.  You won’t be sorry.

Common Core, or Why Parents Drink

Common Core is not our friend. In fact, if I may blunt, it sucks.
S. U. C. K. S.

Hear me out on this one.  Cause I’m living this nightmare.  I have first-hand experience, and with it, the battle scars, the gray hair, and the high blood pressure to go along with it.

Now, I have quite a few friends who are teachers, including my own sister. Some of them may find Common Core helpful; truthfully, I didn’t ask them. So this rant is purely from a parent point of view.  In fact, let’s narrow it down to just THIS parent’s point of view.  So here goes.

My child learns differently from your kid, and your kid learns differently from someone else’s.  Our kids aren’t made cookie-cutter, so why should we teach them that way?  Education isn’t factory work, churning out identical graduates.  Learning should be fluid and flexible, allowing for different abilities and different personalities.

Look, I get the concept of Common Core: each child is offered the same opportunity; every child learns the same information at the same time; lessons are designed to help students prepare for college and beyond.  Sounds great. But does it work? Not in my house.

Before Common Core, my child was an A/B student.  She was able to complete her assignments with minimal effort.  Yes, I know these were the “easy” first few years of education – before the harder work and the hormones kicked in.  But a kid doesn’t have a complete reversal of ability in two years time.  We are struggling now in all subjects. I try to help with math, but the methods now are so bizarre, even I can’t follow them. English is minimally better, and Science and Social Studies are just luck of the draw.

Our kid doesn’t learn well by rote; the multiplication tables were torture.  Lectures and tests about dates and names are certain failures. But give her something that allows for imagination and she excels!  Give her some freedom and she soars!  Let her be her own quirky self and she can rule the world!!

So here we are, at the end of 6th grade, trying to decide what to do next. We’ve tried private school and public school. We’ve tried helping her pass and letting her fail.  What’s left? Home school?  Will this be any better?  When she was a toddler and we realized she had advanced thinking skills, we never thought we’d be trying to just pass.

So, Common Core, we hate you. I’m sure you help some students, but you’re failing mine.

P.S. To lighten the mood, please read these hilarious tweets! Every. One. Is. Life.

http://www.scarymommy.com/funny-parenting-tweets-about-homework-and-common-core/?utm_source=FB

"Joey"

Today, I am mourning the death of someone that I’ve never met; someone that I’d never heard of until a few months ago; someone with whom I have nothing in common, except the love of family, Tennessee, and God.  Even in those areas, she was so far ahead of me, I would never reach her level.

Joey Feek passed away yesterday at the young age of 40, from cervical cancer.  If you haven’t seen her name in the news lately, she was a country music singer, a devout Christian, and the lead singer of the duo Joey + Rory. Together, they had a 2-year-old daughter, named Indiana.  Indiana was born with Downs Syndrome, but the family never made a big deal of it.  She was just their child. Period.

Joey fought her cancer for almost two years. In October, she learned that it was too aggressive and decided to stop treatments.  It was at that time that her story started being known outside the country music genre.

Rory Feek, her husband, writes a blog titled, “This Life I Live.”  In it, he has chronicled their journey through Joey’s illness, and now her passing.  It is his writing that has made me, and many others, feel that I was a part of their family.  That I was traveling down that sorrowful road with them.  His words made me smile and cry, feel joy and sorrow, ask “Why?” and say “I understand.”  He is a masterful writer, but the reason his words are so beautiful is simple – he loved her.

Joey and Rory were unique. They lived in a manner that evoked the feeling of the 1940s.  A simple life with home-grown vegetables; a farmhouse full of comfortable chairs and fresh flowers; hand made quilts and fresh baked pies.  It seemed an idyllic life, interrupted by sadness and pain.

You could see the love between Joey and Rory. The way she smiled at him, and the way his eyes lit up looking at her.  Perhaps the most telling photo I saw of their love was the last one – Rory sitting by Joey’s bed during her last days. Just sitting.  She was in her final sleep and would never know he was there, but he was.  Watching his beautiful bride slip away from him.

Their story is indeed heartbreaking, but do you know what he wrote upon her passing? “My wife’s greatest dream came true today.”  Through all his unquestionable sadness and grief, he knew that her passing was actually a great joy!  She is in Heaven! She is with Jesus!  He was so happy that she was where she belonged, that he could rejoice for her in the midst of his own pain.

That, my friends, is love.

These are the things that I learned from Joey and Rory:

• Never take life for granted. Every day, every hour, every second is precious and should be cherished.
• Every person deserves to be loved deeply and completely.
• Faith can carry you through anything.  ANYTHING.
• Death is not final. It is not the end, only the beginning.  Our lives on Earth are just a warm-up for the real thing.
• A walk outside, a kiss from a child, holding hands with a loved one, the sun on your face – all of these things are infinitely better than time watching TV or being on-line.
• I am blessed beyond measure.

So here I sit, thinking of people I don’t know; praying for a family I’ll never meet; rejoicing in the fact that this “stranger” is in Heaven.  I think Joey would approve.

Chasing Ghosts

One of the questions new visitors often ask about our old house is this: "Do you have ghosts?" Our answer is always, "We're not sure." How do you answer that? No, we've never seen a "ghost." But do we have things that haunt us? Of course we do!

When I think of "ghosts" or "hauntings", I don't think of them in the usual sense. To me, ghosts can occur in many forms: a mistake from the past; a regret; a missed loved one; etc. My ghost that haunts me is easy to identify - it's my mom.

Of course, I don't mean that my mom appears to me in spirit form. If she did, I'd be sitting in an asylum right now. But she is always with me, whether I want her or not! And, good or bad, she has shaped my life and made me who I am today.

Those who know my mom know what a force of nature she was. She never backed away from an opinion and made sure we knew who was in charge. She wasn't mean, but she could certainly hurt you when you let her guard down. My sisters and I all had different relationships with Mom, but to me, she was usually kind and loving. She was my mom.

When Mom died, I went through a breakdown. It wasn't that noticeable to the world around me, but it nearly destroyed me. My marriage suffered to the point we weren't sure we could make it through the storm. I drank too much, slept too much, neglected my family and my friends. I was a wreck.

Thank God I have a husband who loves me enough that he stuck around. And, as time went on, I healed. I realized that I could survive and even thrive without my mom . But there are still times when I need her, and that's when I know she's still around.

Do you ever get a sudden cold chill for no reason? Me, too. And when it happens, I know that Mom is watching over me. When my child is in trouble, and I give her "that face", I know that's Mom. I see her in the mirror and when I look at my hands. I know she's there when I pick out clothing or decorate my house. I don't have her flair for gardening, though, so I wish she could haunt me a little more there!

Yes, I miss her. I feel cheated that she's not around to help me raise my child and that Tessa only had five short years with her. I miss her when I have a simple question about a recipe, or a flower, or any number of things she excelled at. And I just miss her. Her love, her class, her beauty, and even her insults! But she's still here. Haunting me every day. And I really don't mind.

P.S. If you're wondering why I was thinking of Mom so much lately, it's because of this: Triple Lanolin Hand Lotion. Mom wore it every day. I recently bought some, and it's like she's never left.

The Tennessee Waltz

Here's my simple truth: I love Tennessee. I love everything about it. The weather, the natural beauty, the music, the sports, the traditions, the family values... Everything.

So many people think of Tennessee as an ignorant, unhealthy, poor state. Yes, there is some of that, but that's also true of the rest of the country. Our accent is mocked, our slow-moving ways are ridiculed, and the stereotypes are abundant. I'm here to fix that.

The following people are natives of the State of Tennessee. There are many others in our fellow Southern states, but I'm sticking to home on this one. Keep in mind, some of these "natives" might not have been born here, but we still consider them ours.

1. Presidents Andrew Jackson, Andrew Johnson, and James K. Polk, and Vice-Presidents Andrew Johnson and Al Gore, Jr. Not to shabby for country folk.
2. Singers Gregg Allman, Elvis Presley, Miley Cyrus, Usher, Kenny Chesney, Tina Turner, Lou Rawls, Aretha Franklin, and an up-and-coming singer by the name of Justin Timberlake (aka my next husband).
3. Actors Kathy Bates, Dixie Carter, Christina Hendricks, Annie Potts, George Hamilton, Shannon Doherty, Cybill Shepherd, Megan Fox, Morgan Freeman, Patrician Neal, and Reece Witherspoon.
4. Heroes/Activists/Politicians Alvin York, David Crockett, Nikki Giovanni, David Farragut, Howard Baker, Jr., and Jack Hannah.
5. Sports Figures Reggie White, Wilma Rudolph, Pat Summitt, Ed (Too Tall) Jones, Johnny Majors, Bill Belichick, Jason Witten, and Lynn Swann. You might have also heard of this little treasure - Peyton Manning. (GO BRONCOS!!!)
6. Legend Dolly Parton. Dolly is a state treasure, especially here in East Tennessee, where she was born. I can't even begin to tell you what Dolly has meant to our state. Beyond Dollywood and bringing tourist attention to our region, Dolly also started the Imagination Library. This program provides FREE books, one a month, to EVERY CHILD UNDER THE AGE OF 5. Everyone. Free. Every month. What a legacy she will leave!

Besides the famous people, we have other redeeming qualities:

1. Oak Ridge National Laboratory - one of the major sites vital in the making of the A-bomb. Currently, the lab excels at medical research, 3-D printing, nuclear science, and currently has the 2nd-fastest computer in the world, performing 20 thousand trillion calculations per second. And no, that's not a typo.
2. Memphis - Home of the Blues; Nashville - Music City, USA; and Bristol - Home of Country Music. Any music you hear today - and I mean ANY music - was influenced by one or all of these cities.
3. Great Smoky Mountains - the most visited National Park in the country. If you've never seen the beauty of the mountains of Tennessee, you truly have missed out. The West might have bigger mountains, but ours are certainly prettier! Lush land, thousands of miles of mountain roads and millions of miles of hiking trails, not to mention lakes and rivers and wildlife. This is truly God's country.
4. St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital - founded by Danny Thomas in 1962, St. Jude's treats children with cancer. Beyond that, they never charge a family who can't pay. A family's worse nightmare is treated with the best physicians and medicine in the world and all for free.
5. Knoxville alone is home to the corporate headquarters of Regal Cinemas, Tennessee Valley Authority, Bush Brothers, Pilot Flying J, and Scripps Networks, including HGTV. Also located in Tennessee is FedEx, O'Charleys, J.C. Bradford & Co., and Dollar General just to name a few.

Ok, ok, that's enough bragging on my part. You get the point. Tennessee is full of exciting, intelligent, beautiful, caring people. We change the world. We welcome it into our homes. We help to heal it and look for solutions to cure it.

We are old, young, white-collar, blue-collar, Bible-thumping, moonshine-drinking, rebel flag-flying, Civil Rights-marching, country-crooning, hip-hop dancing, football-crazy, hard-studying, people. We are history and we are the future. We are big cities and small towns. Culture and mud racing. The Great Smoky Mountains and the Mississippi River. We are America.

Come to Tennessee...y'all.
P.S. To see photos from this beautiful state, visit my website: www.menopausemomma.com.

Beep, Beep!!

Most of you know I have a little problem with road rage. Just a little bit. A teeny tiny itty bitty bit. Fine, I have a LOT of road rage.

I don't know when it happened, but I think it was around the same time I started saying, "Turn down that music!" People drive me insane on the road. It's like a whole new breed of stupid has invaded Earth. These are the people I'm talking about:

1. The Left-Laners: You know these people; they are the ones who insist on driving in the left-hand land ALL. THE. TIME. I believe these people feel that they should police everyone else. If they are going the speed limit, so should everybody! Right?? Wrong. It's called "impeding the flow of traffic." It's also called "making me want to ram your bumper." Just move over.
2. The Line-Cutters: Believe it or not, I'm not talking about the school pick-up line here. That's another blog altogether. I'm talking about lines of traffic due to road work, accidents, weather, etc. These are the people who stay in the closed lane until they are thisclose to the end, and then try to cut over in front. Or the ones that cut back and forth between lanes, trying to get the advantage. Listen, if getting to your location 20 seconds earlier is that important to you, go ahead. Just not in front of me. So...don't.
3. The Know-It-Alls: Obviously they know it all, because they ignore every sign they pass. You say your truck is 14' tall and the bridge sign says 13' tall? No need to read that sign! Who needs the roof of the truck anyway?? Road is closed due to flooding? No worries! I'm sure you can make it through! Your exit cuts off to the left in 1/2 mile? No need to prepare; just cut right in front of four lanes of traffic. We'll wait! Here again, don't.
4. The Grumpies: These folks need a big ole hug! Apparently, someone killed their dog, cause they are not having any of it! They won't let you into a long line from a side road; they won't wait their turn at a four-way stop; they take up two spaces in the parking lot; they cut you off in traffic and then flip you a bird like it was your fault... You get my drift. Do me a favor, Grumpies - don't.
5. The Teenagers: Yes, we've all been teenagers at some point and we drove badly, too. But seriously teenagers, SLOW DOWN!! Yes, it's fun to drive fast and you might look cool, but you're a pain in the butt. Speed on your own property, not in front of my house. Don't.

Finally, before someone rats me out, I please guilty to most of these at one time or another. But as a parent and official member of AARP, I've earned the right to say "Do as I say and not as I do!" Just don't.

Brrrmm...brrmmm...

A Week in the Life

I've had a lot to write about lately: snow, my daughter's cold, a new puppy. And those topics are also the reasons why I haven't written: snow, my daughter's cold, a new puppy. Ugh. Don't you just hate it when life gets in the way of having fun?

First the snow. We used to live in Northern Virginia, and we still have many friends there. Here in our corner of the world last week, we got 1/2" of snow. Northern Virginia got over two feet. TWO. FEET. I can't even. Just the threat of bad weather closed our schools for three days. Can you even imagine how long those kids up north will be out of school? There is not enough Prozac in the world.

Snow added to the story of Tessa's cold. She started feeling bad on the weekend, and by MLK day, she had a full-blown cold. Since she's missed so much school that we received a warning letter (ahem...child), I really needed her to go that Tuesday. Of course, she was too sick, so we headed to the walk-in clinic for them to tell us she did indeed have a cold. So that's two days home. And the three days the school closed? Yep... So she was home all week. She's big enough now that she spends most of her time in her room watching videos, so it wasn't bad. However, last year they missed two solid weeks of school, so I'm crossing my fingers here.

Now, the puppy. Oh my, the puppy! Of course we didn't need another dog. This brings our total to five, which is really four dogs too many. But our dogs were mostly outside all time, and I was feeling the need for a dog that could keep me company. Cause the cat could take me or leave me, depending on the mood of the day.

So I begged my husband, and might have made promises, for a puppy. I found someone close-by who had Shichon puppies. What is a Shichon, you ask? Don't worry, I didn't know, either. They are a mix between a Shih Tzu and a Bichon Friese. In other words, ADORABLE! So let me introduce you to Murphy!

Isn't he precious?? Oh my goodness, I can't get enough of him! I adore my Mastiffs and Wolfie, and the cat and the rabbit, and the guineas, and the chickens....whew! But this little guy...

So that's been my life the past week. How about you?

P.S. I haven't forgotten the book club, I just haven't had a chance to work up the questions. But I'll do it soon, I promise!

Weird Things Happen

Weird things happen to us, you know. Some strange-weird and some funny-weird and some what-the-hell-weird. We're not quite weird enough for reality tv or funny enough for a sitcom, but we make do with what we've got.

We have weird house things:

There was the time the lady crashed into our front yard, taking out part of the original brick wall that borders the driveway. Neither she nor her son, who was riding with her, were seriously hurt, but her vehicle and our wall were done for. Oh, the rooster was also ok. What rooster, you ask? The one in the front seat, of course! Doesn't everyone hold their rooster in their lap in the front seat after it loses an illegal cock fight? No?? Huh...

At our previous residence, we had a neighbor who was, shall we say, involved. To be blunt, she was so nosy, she probably knew every time one of us passed gas. She had her home office set up so she could clearly see our house while she worked at her desk. Yet she somehow missed someone driving into our driveway and removing a large and extremely heavy heat pump from the side of our house and driving off with it. And yes, the side that faced her house.

There was the tree that crushed our truck and our fence, then the other tree that crushed the trampoline. We have several old trees in our front yard that are at least twice the height of our house. We're just waiting.

I remember the Winter Don decided to be proactive and stack a load of wood in case we lost power. The electrical wires fell on the wood pile. Think about that...

We've replaced two dishwashers after mice have chewed through the wiring. They also got the Lexus one time. Don's bathroom now has no heat because they chewed through the ducts.

We've replaced a roof, a few dryers, three HVAC systems, fencing, brick walls, and crushed vehicles. No wonder we're poor!

There are the weird animal stories:

We once sold our goats to a nice man and his father. Actually, we told them they could have them for free, but they would have to catch them. Nearly an hour later, the goats were in their truck and the younger man was on his way to have his most likely broken hand checked out. Let's just say the goat had a good fake-off game.

We had one cat who lost his mind and would open and then hide in the kitchen cabinets. Our current cat sits in the window and "chirps" at the birds. She also meows non-stop. Seriously...NON. STOP.

We have the mentally-challenged Mastiff (sorry Magnum) who still hasn't figured out the most basic animal instinct. Yes, I'm talking about THAT. Poor Bullitt gets so excited at feeding time that he knocks over the water bucket EVERY DAY. And Macy - well, she's just Macy. Or as my friend calls her, Cujo. Let's not forget our first Mastiff, Ginger, who broke my hand dragging me down the street!

One of our former horses, Shelby, was a master at injuring humans. She once threw Don off her back, then tried to roll over him. On purpose. She got me with my back turned and gave me the bum rush. It was like a scene in a movie where the character goes face down in the mud. And ouch!

We have chickens who eat the dog food and a dog that eats chicken scratch. We once had a murderous giant rooster named "Big Don" who would chase us around the yard. (I really can't tell you the story behind the name, but believe me when I say HILARIOUS!) We've had hens that would get lost and roosters that limped. We currently have a rooster who has some crazy neck thing that makes him look like he has epilepsy.

There are the "Did he/she really say that?!" moments:

Around the time Tessa was age 3, her dad took her to a golf course. Having never been there before, he was looking carefully for the place. He told Tessa to keep her eye out for a sign that said, "Golf Course." She replied, "You look for it, Daddy. I CAN'T READ!!"

Last week, when I wore a red striped sweater, Tessa told me, "Freddie Kruger called; he wants his sweater back." In a rare moment of brilliance, I replied, "He called you, too. He wants his face back. BOOM!!!" Mother of the year right here, folks!

One day while I was sweeping with a new broom, Don inquired if I had "bought a new car." Hardy har har.

Yeah, we've had weird/funny/crazy things going on for a long time now. And it's true that you have to laugh at them. Besides, crying just ruins my mascara...

So...Read Any Good Books Lately??

A friend of mine recently posted a list on Facebook that included different types of books to read during the new year. I was so excited! I absolutely LOOOOOOOVE to read. LOOOOOOOVE. My mother instilled in all her daughters the love of books. We were at the library every Saturday. In the first grade, I won an award for reading the most books the preceding Summer (sorry Laura Beth). So you see, I LOOOOOOVE to read. Clear enough?

I will read anything: books, magazines, newspapers, brochures, pamphlets, cereal boxes, , instruction manuals...you get the drift. I've had to re-learn how to eat a meal without a book in my hand. I thought about buying a Kindle, but I can't. I love the feel of the book in my hand. I love the smell of bookstores (especially used book stores), the heft of the physical book, the dog-eared pages. I love the feeling of opening a new book, excited to start the adventure. And I mourn when I reach the end of a beloved book.

I'm a end-of-the-book cheater, too. I can't help it. It's the whole "have to be in control" issue. But it doesn't ruin the book for me. Even if I know the ending, I can still enjoy the journey to get there! My favorite genre is Mystery. I like my magazines fluffy and entertaining, but my books dark and mysterious. I don't do many series of books, but I did get sucked in by the Divergent and Hunger Games books. I recently started the 5th Wave series. It seems that the "Young Adult" genre calls to me as well. Cause I'm still a young adult... ahem.

Anyhoo, you probably know where I'm going with this. I want to take this list and start a book club!! Here's what it looks like:

So, who's in?? If you want to participate, I'm going to start by recommending a book which might check off several boxes for you: The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. It is a beautiful book. You will see the pictures in your mind. If you're a regular reader, you know what I mean by that. This book is appropriate for adults and older children who can read longer books.

So...let's set our reading time for one week from tomorrow, which puts us at January 18. I'll come up with a set of questions for discussion.

I'm so excited about this!! I hope you will join me. Happy reading!!